The premise seems okay at first glance. Three chimps are launched into space by a NASA-like agency to gather information about an probe that has inadvertently traveled through a worm hole and landed on the distant planet of Malgor, which whether intentional or not sounds annoyingly like Al Gore throughout the entire movie. Unbeknownst to the space agency and the chimps the probe has actually become a powerful weapon for the meanest alien on the planet, Zartog. In a matter of seconds the power of the space probe transforms him from a crazy old alien who lives on the edge of town into a dictator and maniacal mass murderer. Yup. You read that correctly. He forces the other aliens into slave labor to build a replica of a Las Vegas casino that he saw on the probe's greeting message (really, I couldn't make this stuff up). He dunks any dissenters into frozone - yes, it does sound like cheap Slurpee competitor - but this is worse than any braino, they are instantly frozen to death and placed like statues around the growing temple to the gambling Gods. This scared the bejesus out of my kids.
Andy Samberg, Cheyl Hines, and the always-reliable Patrick Wharburton voice the three main chimps and they do the best with what they have, but Jeff Daniels as the dictator Zartog should be ashamed of himself. The animation of the earth and the space ship is passable and the chimps are cute enough to hold the attention of a five-year-old, although these parts are no better than your typical Saturday morning fare. However, everything on Malgor (see!) is written and animated by someone who apparently has no idea of what appeals to young children. The aliens are amateurish and the colors so garish that I imagined a scenario where some senior executive said, "We're low on money so let's give this part to the interns". Now I get that they are in another dimension, or whatever, but really, it hurts the eyes.
There are so many ideas and creatures thrown into the mix that I was just hoping it would all end when we get to meet yet another creature, an alien called Kilowatt, whose head lights up when she is scared (get it, she is called Kilowatt). She is voiced, or rather half-sung, by Kristin Chenoweth who sounds like she is doing a bad Jo Anne Worley impersonation. What follows is quite possibly the worst scene in animation history - while Kilowatt has only known the chimps for like 30 seconds and is actually the last of her race she runs into the mouth of a killer monster alien in an act of self-sacrifice. Sadly this is not the end of Kilowatt, not only do we get to see her glowing head pass through the demon's bowels, but she reappears later unscathed and we all know how that happened, nudge-nudge-wink-wink. I think it is because she faced her fears or something like that.
The story glosses over potential messages of bullying and environmental destruction for the nebulous just-believe-in-yourself drivel. The monstrosity on Malgor easily swallows up the few entertaining moments provided by the chimps and the scientists back on earth. I counted four families who left before the half-way mark. Younger children may be scared and seven year olds will be bored to tears - my five-year-olds were simultaneously bored and scared.
One star - steer clear of this fiasco. Don't buy the DVD, rent it, or even see it for free. When we left the movie theater my husband's only comment was, "I want to take out my eyeballs and wash them". You get the idea.
